I thought today was a perfect day to tell you the reason for why the only neighbours that want to speak to me are former work mates, drag queens and the guys who are drunk in the middle of the day. Thank goodness.
Nobody who lives across the street from me wants to meet my eye anymore, here is what they witnessed today. I will refer to myself in 3rd person because it is uncomfortable.
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| I like this picture because it looks like she's just a head on two legs. |
0800 - Cathy leaves the house with Zoe the dog. Zoe is afraid of summer and whips around on the leash like a kite in a turbine. Zoe thinks that even though there's not a cloud to be beheld, the thunderstorm is always waiting for her.. always waiiiitinggg. Eventually Cathy picks up her 60 pound dog and walks with her a half a block before Zoe decides to give in and have a walk.
(Zoe will one day be featured on Weirdo Unite because talk about your pets)
0900 - Cathy walks to work reciting a poem to herself. She doesn't even pretend to be on the phone. She couldn't care less. She lives in the city so things like that make you vanish rather than become more obvious.
1530 - Cathy races home with several bags of groceries that are balanced on her shoulder deploying Sherpa techniques. She uses a golf umbrella to balance it all on her shoulder it all as the rain pours down. No, there aren't hands to hold the umbrella for actual umbrella optimisation.
1535 - It is a solid piss type of rain, so much so that the eaves troughs get clogged and since Cathy got the groupon company coupon to help her with this, they've never called her back. She'd do it herself only she'll ruin her old lady knees by standing on ladders
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| #selfie for weirdos |
1545 - Why bother putting on a rain suit? Cathy pulls on a really fancy Old Navy bathing suit and climbs the blasted ladder to unclog the spout. She spots one of her neighbours doing all they can not to look at her as he runs from the door to the nice guy car and back to the front door.
Plans for the rest of the night. See if the dog will go outside, carry cocktails to and from aforementioned drag queen's home wearing an evening robe (I got him a matching one in beige, mine's peacock blue. Why? Why won't he wear it?).
Later, Cathy will practise the bugle along with The Silverhearts CD while playing laser light tag with the dog so atrophy doesn't set in. It's loud as hell and she's just learning it.
Doesn't this sound like a lovely day weirdos? I should think so. Neighbours be dammed. Personally I think they're getting off really easy.
