Wednesday 25 June 2014

Best Van Ever

 
So in my neighbourhood there exists the best van that has ever been born. Sure it looks like a normal van from the front, dents, pseudo fake wood, crushed up cigarette packs and maybe that's Jesus on the cross hanging from the rearview...  but then.. you walk to the past and catch a glimpse of van ass... and your very existence is called into question. 

BEHOLD THE TIRE COVER

Yes, that is the same van painted as if by a semi-talented child or kind aunt and no, it is not their house. They live in a two floor duplex. Which leaves me to believe that maybe this was the house they always wanted, a rolling rambler somewhere in Surrey B.C. And yes maybe that is the sun turning into rust over top of their house. For some reason this makes me want to cry, to laugh and scream at the same time as if finding myself stuck in a snow globe in summertime. Is this the house of their dreams that they never had? Is it the dream house of the van's never to be realized? 

I want to crawl inside of this little scene, worry about the rust flaking off the sun, will that affect my beautiful van? My enchanting bungalow? My stick family tucked inside? My majestic pinery? Sometimes I want to paint the owners in there, begging to escape their own alternate reality. Seriously, it's the Ray Bradbury story he never wrote.  

Sunday 22 June 2014

Weirdos Unite: Launch of Weirdos Unite!

Weirdos Unite: Launch of Weirdos Unite!: And they never saw that garden gnome again Having lived for many years now I realize that we don't often boast about what makes us...

FOUND Fellow Weirdo On The Subway

If I were Vice magazine I would be a total dick about this sweet guy who didn't freak when my dog sat on his foot.

No, he just kept flossing his teeth and taking up the seat next to him with his bag. Why? Because we live in a city full of people with unflossed teeth.

When I think about his bag, I think : "what if I told him that he should move his bag so that people could sit there and then he pulled a tiny person out of that bag. What if this tiny backpack person was my soulmate and I started off our relationship by insulting their existence. Is this how I want our love story to start?"

You keep your bag there weirdo. You g'wan and floss your grimy teeth. I wish I had the balls to out myself as a flosser.

Weirdos Unite!

Launch of Weirdos Unite!

And they never saw that garden gnome again

Having lived for many years now I realize that we don't often boast about what makes us weird.

But what do we do when we're bored and alone? We pop our zits, pick our noses, build tiny scenes in bookcases, speak to our pets in pet voices, examine that one hair that seems like it came from a dinosaur... 

Just admit it, you're weird and so is everyone you know. It's time to be proud of it. To boast about how you've finely crafted your weird, how maybe you belong to a secret society that shares your weird. 


*disclaimer, weird isn't meant to harm anyone, weird is for you and your consenting weird friends.